Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
