Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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