I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
So. Much. Porn.
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