does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
