the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
