Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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