so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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