Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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