there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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