That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
