I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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