im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
