Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
