nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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