His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
