Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
