she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
