i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
