I heard we made out
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
