i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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