What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
