I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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