I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
