Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
