my vag is so smooth its legendary
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
