My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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