All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
