At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
