look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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