My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
