no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
