you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
