How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
