I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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