But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
