she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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