I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
