I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
