we're blogging at a bar
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
