if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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