Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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