went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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