I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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