you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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