i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
