I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
