Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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