Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
