Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
