I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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