No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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