i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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