so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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