did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
