Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
