I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
