I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Maybe he injected his testicle?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
