I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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