eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
