I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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