tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
