i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
