so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
