He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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