who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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