i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
