we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
