At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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