Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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