K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you đ
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
