you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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