Plan B is the new Plan A
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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