why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
