I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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