Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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