this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
