I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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