Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
