The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
