Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
