Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
