My first STD was from a foam party
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
