Are we in a gay sports bar?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Drake has all the answers
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
