Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
