living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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