shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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